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April 14, 2002
Okay, the first thing I want to do is thank everyone for sticking with us for so long. We started this site in January, but Mary and I have been planning for well over a year. And even though we don’t think about it every waking moment, it’s always lingering there in the back of your mind … “April is coming … April is coming.” Well, April came. (insert obvious observation here).
Sooo … we had a ton of stuff on our to-do list on Saturday, but the clinic is only open until noon, so we hurried over there first thing in the morning with our little playmate cooler, picked up the goods, and came home. We were a regular riot at the clinic. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard … but we were nervous! So we’re standing around giggling and making silly jokes, and generally acting like we were the only two women in the world who had actually done this. The woman at the desk was VERY patient.
Right, so then we go straight home and I hop in the shower. Mary said she’d be in in a second. We did have a lot to do that day, we had to go grocery shopping, go to the drycleaner, the gym, I wanted to have some shoes re-soled, etc. So we were getting ready to go out, and I figured we’d do the deed later that evening. So I get out of the shower and Mary was in the kitchen, so I asked what happened to her, and wasn’t she going to take a shower? Then I looked in the bedroom.
Now, Mary is truly a heartthrob. She’s tall, blonde, with dreamy blue eyes. She’s kind, thoughtful, funny, smart. There’s no question in my mind that I’m lucky to have her. But sometimes she truly outdoes herself and blows any and all expectations I ever may have had about my relationship out of the water. Candles, is what I saw. Candles and rosepetals. Everywhere. Hundreds of them. So what did I do? I did what any self-respecting person would do … I cried like an idiot. The fact that she was able to hug me even while I was crying is a genuine testament to her kindness. I am not a graceful cryer … the silent tear kind with little pink noses. I’m the drippy, loud kind. Very attractive.
Right, so we had a great morning. We laughed a lot, hysterically at times. And I could be pregnant. Right now, writing these words, I could be pregnant. Now, granted I don’t feel any different, but it’s only been two days. And we’re trying really hard not to get our hopes up. We did buy enough for three months, because as I keep saying, only 20% of women get pregnant on the first try, and at my age it’s more likely that I fall in the 80% who don’t. But still. I wonder how soon morning sickness takes hold?
So we didn’t get my shoes re-soled. And I wanted to go out for sushi, but we didn’t because raw fish can be dangerous. And the whole emotional thing is like a heavy coat in the summer. We did go for a walk in the Arboretum, and we did go to JP Licks for ice cream. And we did say I love you over and over, as if we’d forgotten we’d said it five minutes ago. And then we laughed about that. We also detailed the motorcycle, because Mary likes a shiny bike, and I like Mary.
So, once again … thanks for sticking with us. Thanks for all of your kind words and your encouragement. Thanks for sharing your stories, and for sharing our adventure. And thanks also to Andre Guay at bo_bonhomme123@hotmail.com – a truly toxic asshole - for reminding us of why we’re lesbians.
Stick with us for the next couple of weeks. Like I said, I’m not sure how long it will take to find out if we were successful, but I’ll let everyone know as soon as I do, one way or the other. And if we’re not lucky, then we’ll be hanging around here for another month, and if necessary, another after that. And if we’re still not successful, then we’ll buy more stock and try again. And again. And if we are lucky … then rest assured I’ll let everyone know EXACTLY how long it takes for morning sickness to take hold.
So keep spreading the love around, everyone … ! Tell someone you love them today …
Best to you,
Leah & Mary
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April 10, 2003
So the stick is still negative. My best guess is that it'll be positive tomorrow, so we'd inseminate on Saturday. I still need to call the clinic. We have our cooler ready, though. That cracks me up ... we're toting this little turquoise and white "Playmate" cooler around, but guess what?! ... it ain't full of sandwiches!
We're not not not not getting our hopes up for this month. Like I've mentioned before, there's a smaller success rate for the DIY method, AND only 20% of women are successful on their first try. A Christmas baby would be nice, though. Wow. A baby. Hoo ... !
By the way, I've noticed our hits are increasing slightly. That makes us feel just fabulous. So if you're following our progress and you've made it this far, feel free to let other interested people in on our little project ... we love hearing from people, and the more the merrier!
Okay, so I'll write again tomorrow when I'm positive that it'll be this weekend. Take care, everyone ... and keep spreading the love around!
Best to you,
Leah & Mary
p.s. Sunshine today FINALLY! All feels right with the world.
April 7, 2003
Holy mackerel ... I think it's this weekend! I was afraid this would happen. I'm one of those women whose cycles run very very regularly. And by looking at my chart from last month (which I haven't posted because I tend to procrastinate) it looks like day 14 falls this weekend.
Okay (deep breath) this means a couple of things. To begin with, our clinic doensn't schedule visits for Saturdays. That's not to say they're not open, though. We can actually go pick up the goods and transport them, we just can't actually do the deed there.
Okay, so now that we have the goods, we have to do something with them. From what I understand, we can go to some local fertility clinic, I've forgotten what it's called, and they'll take our sperm and put it where it will do us the most good. But they charge $300 for their services. That's a little beyond our price range. So that leaves us the DIY option. Right, so we warm the little swimmers up, and I stand on my head or something. Which wouldn't necessarily be so bad, but there's a smaller success rate for the at-home method. On a personal note, though, it would be kinda nice if it were just the two of us.
Soooo ... I need to run home and re-check my chart. I think either tomorrow or Thursday is day 11, when I start doing the always entertaining pee-on-a-stick routine.
I'll keep you posted.
Best to you,
Leah & Mary
April 7, 2003
Okay, so I have kind of weird news. Not necessarily bad, just weird. Actually, I’m not quite sure what to do about it: My boss is pregnant. Yep, she’s a good what? four months along now. She’s due October 1. So she’ll take three-ish months off and be back in the office January-something, 2004. Now, here’s a woman who, I gather, probably might want a baby more than I do. She’s obsessive about babies, talks about them all the time, has those Anne Geddes pictures of babies wearing fruit or whatever in her office. I think she’s about 27 – pretty much the perfect age. And she’s my boss. And she’s pregnant.
Right. So she calls me down to her office to tell me that, over the summer we’re going to have to work really hard getting me ready to take over her work load while she’s gone. Serious career boost, right there. But I want to get pregnant, too. Only she doesn’t know this, see? So she’s making plans to get me up to speed with all of the people she works with so they all know me and can contact me while she’s out. She wants to make sure that I understand every little detail so that I can run her office. You, gentle readers, probably don’t know this, but I work in a very competitive office. Every little advantage gets me that much closer to promotion. But not if I blow it. Not if I say, “so this is terrific and all, but I’ll be needing to take about six weeks off. Thanks, anyway ….”.
See the problem? Now granted, even if I do manage to get pregnant this month, the baby won’t come until January, exactly when she’s coming back. I won’t be gone at the same time she is. AND, that’s a really huge “if.” It could take me months to get pregnant. Perfect scenario is that I get pregnant in, like, October or November, so the baby comes over the summer when we’re dead around here anyway. But do I really want to wait? I’ve already put this off for six months for this job, waiting until my probation period is over. It’s over on April 28. I don’t want to wait anymore. And what if I don’t get pregnant in October or November? Do I wait until NEXT October or November to try again? I mean, is there ever a good time? SHE didn’t wait. October is the start of our busy season, but that’s when she’s DUE for chrissake.
I just don’t know, and it’s driving me bananas. I hate it that I have to think about this, that I have to make these kinds of decisions. I think it’s horribly unfair. I want this to be happy and wonderful, not stressful. But here I am. Stressed. And I need to make up my mind by, like, next week. Mary says we go for it and fuck ‘em if they have a problem. I just wish it were that easy.
Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. I’ll keep everyone up to date about our decision. Thanks again for all of your supportive emails, and the occasional donation. You guys are the greatest. Take care ……
Best to you,
Leah & Mary
p.s. For those of you in Boston/Providence: April blizzards bring May lizards. Enjoy ... !
March 25, 2003
Welcome back sports fans … ! Ladies and gentlemen, please allow us to introduce “Dad” … number 5322. That’s right, we made the big purchase. A grand total of $876 bought us a three month supply, with $31 coming from the support of you, our viewers.
Alas, 5322 was not our first choice. Our first choice, a long-distance runner from California, was currently “out of stock” so we took our second choice. The phone call was a little hairy, though. The woman at the clinic was sooo nice, helpful, cheerful. It was like talking to Sperm Santa. She seemed genuinely disappointed our first choice wasn’t available. It just seemed strange to be ordering sperm over the phone. I think I’d compare it to being sixteen and going to the drugstore to buy tampons (or condoms?). I mean, you know that the person at the counter has sold millions of these things and doesn’t even give it a second thought, but you still futz around and buy other stuff you don’t need so it won’t be so glaringly obvious that there’s a big box of O.B. (or Trojans) sitting on the counter in front of you. That’s what it was like. After we got of the phone we both felt a little silly. We laughed a lot.
So 5322 is a local boy from Massachusetts. Interesting family mix of Irish and English, Catholic and Episcopalian. Obviously young parents because thirty years ago those families never would have blended in Massachusetts. He’s 26 years old, six feet tall, 185 lbs with blue eyes and reddish brown curly hair with fair skin. He also describes himself as having dimples and slight cleft in his chin. Doesn’t that sound adorable? He has an English and History double major with an Economics minor, which we thought was a well-rounded combination.
And remember waaaaay back when I was talking about the questionnaire they have to fill out, and you can see their handwriting, etc? Okay, well here are some of his answers:
MECHANICAL SKILLS? I do all of my own work on my car (except the transmission) – Mary thought this was cute.
DESCRIBE YOUR ARTISTIC ABILITIES: Despite a lack of formal training, I feel that I have some talent with abstract geometric designs. – Is that a great answer or what?!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? The sapphire crystal blue of the Caribbean Sea in the morning. – Need I say more? This guy is fabulous.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? I feel that I am an unprejudiced, open-minded individual. While I take pride in succeeding on my own, the experience of team accomplishment is underestimated. I value honesty, despise betrayal, and will defend honor and a just cause to the end. – I don’t even know what to say to this, he’s so perfect.
WHAT IS YOUR ULTIMATE GOAL IN LIFE? WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TWENTY YEARS?
My ultimate goal is to be able to look back and not regret any missed opportunities. I want comfort, but not excess, for my loved ones. I want my family to know what is right from wrong, but more importantly, why. I want to know this world was a better place because of me.
Right – we’re totally in love.
The only reason he was our second choice is that he said he’s smoked marijuana once or twice a week since 1995. But then we figured, hey! Melissa Etheridge’s kids seem to be okay and DAVID CROSBY is their father.
So there he is. 5322 – Mr. Wonderful. Isn’t he amazing? Of course, what this means is that our first try is in just over two weeks. Two weeks. Now, there’s no reason to think we’ll be successful on our first try. We’re really trying to keep in mind that it could take months and months so we won’t be just crushed every month when Aunt Flo comes visiting. We still will be, though.
Whew! Okay … so this is it. We have the goods, we’re just waiting for the big day. So stay tuned in the next couple of weeks. In the mean time, keep spreading the love around … !
Best to you,
Leah & Mary
March 7, 2003
So there’s this guy in my office, Bob … he’s the Deputy Director of my department. And I find out recently that he’s gone around questioning all of the other women at my level if they … god, how did he put this? … if the “goalie” was “at the net” I believe is what he said. Or something to that effect. Some sort of hockey metaphor for “are you using birth control, do you plan on getting pregnant any time soon?” Huh?! Obviously, he didn’t question me because I’m a lesbian and in his narrow little world lesbians don’t get pregnant. But ohhh, how very wrong he is.
So now I’m worried, right? He is the Deputy Dawg, after all, and he could probably make it difficult for me to get promoted if he took it upon himself to do so. So I surreptitiously quizzed my supervisor. “Lisa,” I said “when you decide to get pregnant, do you think you’ll plan it over the summer or will you just have the baby whenever?”
I’m so subtle.
Lisa said that for HER, she’d probably have the baby whenever, but that it was probably a good idea for someone in our line of work to plan to have their baby over the summer. “Shit,” I thought. My plan is to start trying in April. That would have me delivering in January, which isn’t bad. Or February or March, even. But April and May might be tough. Then summer, of course, is perfect. So I asked my fellow associates yesterday what they thought, and the general consensus is that any time in early winter would be just as good as summer. So we’re still on for April. Which is next month. NEXT month.
Which makes me wonder if I’m just looking for an excuse to put this off. I want to have a baby. WE want to be parents. It would be so much easier if, like most of the female population, I didn’t have to think about and one month I’d be late and I’d take a test and find out I was knocked up and then come up with a sweet, sensitive way to tell my partner who’d then be overjoyed, etc. But the fact that we’re planning it makes it a little stressful. And, of course, it will be obvious that whenever the baby is due is when we planned for it to be due. Whereas if we were straight it would be just whenever it happened to happen. Ta Da … !!
I think I just need to slow down and take a deep breath and remember that this is a personal decision which shouldn’t be governed by my employer. And as far as planning it … well, it’s sort of like going on Space Mountain at Disney. You’re all nervous while you’re in line, but you chose to be in that line, so there you are and your heart is pounding harder the closer you get to getting in the little car, the point of no return. Then you get in the little car but it’s dark in Space Mountain so you can’t actually see the rollercoaster and you don’t know how scared you should be. So then the thing starts and you’re like … oh god, what have I done??!! And then it turns out to be one of the mildest rollercoasters in the world, but the scariest at the same time because you can’t see what’s coming.
Does this make sense to anyone but me?
Anyway, thanks for tuning in. Stay tuned, ‘cause April’s a’comin fast … !! And don’t forget to spread the love around.
Best to you,
Leah & Mary
February 14, 2003
Happy Valentines Day … ! So I get up at 2:00 a.m. and pull out this card I’d hidden, and put it in the bathroom where I know Mary will find it first thing in the morning. The alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m., and right on cue, she heads for the bathroom. Then … comes back to bed! Not a mention of the card! Sooooo … I get up, make coffee, take the card and stick it in her closet where she’ll see it. She gets up, goes to get dressed, comes back … and tells me she’s going downstairs to start the car!!! Either she’s the most un-observant woman I’ve ever met, or she’s playing games with me.
But now, sensitive freak that I am … I’m starting to get miffed. I bought this card weeks ago! It was perfect! It says something like “I love the way you look at me, I love the way you hold my hand, I love your skill with power tools … etc.” It was fabulous! So finally I just went and got and held it about three inches from her nose and said … “Can you see it now?!” She saw it, and she thought it was great.
I, personally, love Valentines Day. In previous years, Mary has always dropped a couple of hundred bucks to send me two dozen roses to the office … making all the straight guys feel inadequate and the girls jealous. It’s a hoot. She doesn’t know about the office dynamic part, she just does it because she’s amazing. But this year we’re on a tight budget, and big bucks for flowers is kind of out of the picture. A couple of hundred dollars is much better spent on baby-making expenses. I was careful not to mention the flowers, and suggested we stay home and make a really nice dinner, lobsters or something, crack open a bottle of wine and have a great evening. I know she feels bad about the flowers. It’s the same reason I don’t gaze longingly in jewelry store windows when I’m with her. I know she’d love to buy me jewelry, but it’s just not in our budget right now, and I try to be sensitive to that.
Mary is the kindest, most thoughtful, selfless person I’ve ever met. These three years have made me see life in an entirely new way. I like myself better when I’m with her, and I try to be a better person because of her.
So Happy Valentines Day, baby. And the same to all of you … spread the love around!
Best to you,
Leah & Pokey-Pie
February 13, 2003
So we stopped posting to the site because it was becoming embarrassingly obvious that no one was really listening. It wasn’t just the fact that we weren’t making any money, but hits were really down, as were emails. Then we heard from Dan in the Czech Republic! Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think that someone in the Czech Republic would be interested in our dream to start a family. Who the heck sent us over there??!! So we’re back … and with a new agenda. If you can send us a buck towards our sperm fund, great. We’d really appreciate it and we’ll be so, so grateful. But if you just want to send us an email … that’s fabulous, too! We love to hear from people … and that’s what keeps us going here. And we reply to everyone. Even the weirdos … and you know who you are!
So update: April is cloooosing in … and I’m nervous as hell. We’re charting my temperature religiously, not to mention the whole “pee-on-a-stick” thing, and April is only a couple of months away. Not even, really. And every time I think about it I get butterflies. I mean, I think it’s one thing for heterosexual women who are having sex all the time and kind of know that there’s the chance that the goalie won’t be at the net and they’ll get pregnant. It’s a chance they take, intentionally or otherwise. Now, we also have sex all the time … but getting pregnant has never been one of our big concerns, if you know what I mean. To be blunt … spit don’t make babies. But then when you start PLANNING to get pregnant, well … it really changes your focus.
Add that to the fact that my job is very cyclical. There are certain times of the year that are very, very busy, and others that are slower. Obviously, it makes more sense to try and have the baby during the slower time so it’s less of an issue to take time off … but gee whiz, I’m not getting any younger. I’m 34, soon to be 35, and while I know that those are just numbers, it can really make a difference in your ability to conceive and the success of your pregnancy. So the thought was that, if we get pregnant in April, May, or June, then we’d have the baby in January, February, or March, when I’d still be 35. Those would be good months for me … but not as good as the Summer when it is all but a ghost town around here. But for that to happen, we’d have to wait until this Fall to start trying to conceive and I’d be 36 when the baby comes! Does that matter? Can one year really make that much of a difference??? This is driving me crazy!!! Aaarrrrgh …. !!!!!
Sorry.
So there it is … I have baby-making angst, but we’re no less crazy to be parents. My whole perspective on life has sort of taken a weird turn where now every baby I see is adorable and my fingers itch to pick it up and even kittens can move me to tears. And just forget Hallmark commercials.
So as I said … we’re back. I’m Leah, she’s Mary … and we have so much love to share that we want to share it with someone else! Someone little with big eyes and pink feet. Someone who grabs your fingers for dear life. Someone who can make our little family into a bigger family. And if you support us in this … then send us a buck, or send us an email, or why not do both! And in the mean time, hug your kids. Because we’re just itching for the day when we can hug ours.
Spread the love around … !!!!
Best,
Leah & Mary
January 27, 2003
Hey, happy Monday to you! Did you send us a buck? It would make our week … take my word for it. And did you spread the love around?? There’s just never enough love ...
Right, so anyway … Mary is still traveling so I’m here alone again. It’s just not the same without her. We’ve been talking about re-locating to Providence, RI because we both work there and we spend about $300/month in gas, which is just insane. Granted, we pay about half of the going rate for rent because our landlord likes us and we help out around the house with snow removal and stuff, but when you tack $300 onto it … it’s just way too much money. So I spent the weekend looking at apartments in Providence. It wasn’t that long ago that Providence was sort of like Boston’s “poor relation” but boy have things changed! Rents have most definitely gone up, so we’ll take our time until we find the right place. I hope that won’t take too long, though.
So I thought I’d share another interesting email with you this afternoon. Right, so the question is:
Q: Your home page says you’re both trying to become mommies, but in your updates, it sounds like only one of you is actually trying to get pregnant. Wouldn’t you have a better chance if both of you were trying? And why will you both be mommies if only one of you is giving birth?
A: Your observation is right … only Leah (me) is going to actually carry a child. Mary is 38, and doesn’t feel like she’s the best candidate for pregnancy. We know that a lot of women give birth at that age, and even older, but Mary just doesn’t want to be pregnant. Actually, when she was about my age, she did, but as she got older the desire sort of subsided. And as for us both being “mommies” …. we talk about this all the time. Obviously, Mary’s not a father, so what does the baby call her? We know some people who use “mommy” and “mama” and we know others who use “mommy Jane” and “mommy Erica.” We know other people who use “mommy” and the Hebrew word for mommy (unfortunately I don’t know what that is) to reflect their culture. But we decided that we’d both call ourselves mommy and let the child work it out themselves. We figure children are pretty resourceful and they’ll find a way to differentiate between us on their own. And if not, when they yell “mommy!” then we’ll both come running.
We’re always curious about this, though … so if you do it differently in your family, or know someone else who does, then let us know! We’re always interested in other people’s experiences.
So anyway, have a fabulous evening! Tune in again, and as always … thanks for your questions and interest! And if you ARE a repeat customer … send us a buck! And if you’re not … send us a buck anyway!
Best,
L&M
January 24, 2003
Okay, so here it is on Friday afternoon and what am I doing? Why, spending it with you, of course! My intrepid partner Mary is away and I’m batching it with the kitty for a few days. I’ll give serious thought to doing the dishes before she returns. Even though there’s only one of us here today, still feel free to send us a buck or two. She’d be excited to hear about it when she gets back!
So we were at the bookstore the other day and I picked up this book called Misconceptions: Truth, Lies and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood. Now, of course, I’m scared to death. Don’t get me wrong, I’m young, strong & healthy and I have great insurance, but this book is freaking me out. The book is by Naomi Wolf, the author of The Beauty Myth. I’d seen her on the Today Show promoting the book.
So you know that book that gets passed around the office to all of the pregnant women, What to Expect when You’re Expecting?? Well, Naomi basically says that it’s full of crap, and doesn’t even begin to prepare one for the barbarism of the “modern” maternity ward, and the savage loneliness of new motherhood. And once you get through all of the despair and terror of pregnancy and childbirth, there’s society’s devaluation of motherhood and lack of support to look forward to.
This book is really harsh. Frankly I found myself getting really stressed and stopped reading about three quarters of the way through. I’ll pick it up again, of course.
I mean, I can’t imagine that it’s really that bad. No one ever comes back to the office and tells horror stories about their delivery and their feelings of inadequacy because they haven’t bonded with their baby yet. But maybe Naomi is right, maybe it’s because no one is willing to admit those things for fear of being labeled a “bad mother” or “unnatural.” I could be just really naďve about the whole process.
So maybe having a book tell you the worst case scenario is better than one that just glosses over all of the icky stuff in favor of pink & blue fluff. And maybe having a script of the right questions to ask a doctor, or even knowing that you can ask questions, or even say “no” is a good thing. And the fact is, the end is worth the means, no matter what they are. Sort of like all of these flaming hoops we need to jump through just to get pregnant.
But you know what? We just want a baby. We want to be parents. We have so much to offer … so much love to share, so much we want to teach, so much optimism for the future. There will never be a more wanted child.
Okay, now I’m getting sniffly and so I’m gonna cut this short. Have a fantastic weekend, everyone. Be really nice to yourselves … and be nicer to one another! Spread the love around … !!!!
Best to you,
Leah & Mary
January 21, 2003
Hey everyone … we hope you all had a terrific weekend! You may have noticed by now that we don’t post on weekends. The fact of the matter is, we’re busy. But we think of you … and wonder if you’re thinking of us. Hits to this site have really leveled off after our first, furious week. But since we’re not posting on Craigslist any longer, we’re wondering if the people coming to the site are new people, or repeat customers. A really nice guy from Craigslist asked that we not post there any longer, so we’ve stopped. But if anyone has any suggestions as to other friendly lists that might carry our message, we’d love to hear them. And if you are a frequent flyer, thank you! Feel free to send us a dollar!
Actually, the fund-raising effort has somewhat leveled-off as well. We have received a grand total of $28.00 - $25.00 of that coming from one kind, wonderful, thoughtful person. So help us out, folks … and if you have thoughts on how we can improve or market our site, let us know!
Anyhoo … we were thinking this weekend that it might be interesting for you all to have a better idea of how you choose a donor. The major sperm banks, including the one we’re using, California Cryobank, post their available donors online, and they’re updated weekly. The on-line listings provide racial group, eye color, hair color, skin tone, height, weight, ethnic origin, blood type, and religion. They also include occupation, years of education, and whether they have received any pregnancy reports on that donor. It’s a little like catalog shopping, without the pictures. You can do searches and tell it, for instance, that you only want donors who are six feet or taller with olive skin and red hair. And you’ll get zero donors.
You also get to see, in their own handwriting which is cool, how they answered certain questions. They describe their math skills/ability, mechanical skills, athletic ability, musical skills, favorite type of music, languages spoken, hobbies/talents, favorite foods, favorite color … whether they like pets. Then they have to describe where they would most like to travel & why, they have to describe their personalities, and they have to talk about their ultimate goals and ambitions. We’re not sure that any of these things are actually genetically encoded, but they’re interesting to know. And we suppose that you’d tend to choose someone who matches your own personality best. Or maybe someone who has traits you think you lack. I, for instance, can’t add. I’m really, really bad. I count on my fingers at Stop & Shop. It’s awful. So maybe it makes sense to choose a math whiz.
Some of these profiles are, frankly, hysterical. Is that mean? We just don’t know. We went to the Fenway Community Health Center one afternoon to view the long profiles, which contain the above info plus a three generation medical history, and we were just in hysterics reading some of these things. Some of the guys are so sincere, and it’s almost like they’re writing a personal ad. But what else are they supposed to say? We tended to gravitate towards the ones that seemed kind of funny, and whose personalities sort of shone through the words.
So we wondered about the guys who are the actual donors. We wondered why they’d chosen to do it. The money’s not great, from what we understand. Certainly not enough to be a part time job, or anything. Are they just completely vain and think the world would be a better place if they had a bunch of their offspring running around? Or are they just really altruistic and want to provide as many options as possible for women such as Mary and I?
Are you one of those guys? Do you know any? Tell us about the experience … why you did it and what it was like. We’d love to hear from the “other side” … so to speak.
So have a fantastic evening, everyone!
Best to you,
L&M
January 15, 2003
Hey everyone …. did you look at the chart?? Did you see that big spike??? I ovulated! Woo hoo, my ovaries work! Wow, under normal circumstances this would be so TMI … but like I said, this IS a site about getting pregnant, so there it is. So how about sending us a dollar to celebrate?!
So I called my mother the other day on an unrelated issue, and began a sentence with the words “Good news … !” “Your pregnant???” she asked! I forget sometimes how badly she wants to be a grandmother. I have to keep in mind that I was born when mom was 19. Since I’m 34, I think she’d all but given up hope. That, and the fact that her hopes were pretty much squelched when I came out to her way back when. But now that she knows we’ll be trying, she’s just all sorts of eager. My mom, who is great, is a true product of the sixties. In her wedding photos she was wearing a beautiful off white silk wedding gown … excuse me, make that MINI DRESS! It’s fabulous. She still has it, and I can fit my arm into it. Barely. So anyway, she can’t wait to get her hands on our kid to teach them all about civil disobedience and passive resistance. How to Stage a Sit-In – 101, and How to Blow Up the ROTC Building in Four Easy Steps. The first song he/she learns will probably be “Blowin’ in the Wind.” We do, after all, celebrate Bob Dylan’s birthday every year (May 24) by trading lyrics via email. How corny is that? I love my mom … (imagine goofy smile here).
In mail-related news, people keep asking us to post photographs. We may try to do something that’s obscured somehow, but it’s unlikely that we’ll ever post full-frontals, if you know what I mean. To begin with, Mary works in a highly male-dominated industry and would feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable having her sexuality a topic of conversation among her co-workers. It’s sort of a “don’t ask don’t tell” kind of thing. And what failed miserably with them military seems to work for her. I’m out at work and always have been, but I respect her privacy on this issue. So I’m sorry about the picture, and for those of you who doubt that we’re really women … I know what a SPECULUM is. Do you?
So it’s bloody freaking freezing here in New England, but I ovulated so life is good. So if someone wants to cut us off tonight on Interstate 95, I’m just gonna let them. And if someone flips me the bird, I’ll smile and wave. I’m gonna smile at the check-out lady at Stop & Shop, and I’m gonna flirt with babies in their strollers. You have a fabulous evening ….. spread some love around!
Best to you,
L&M
January 13, 2003
Hey everyone …! we hope you had a great weekend! We hope you sent us a dollar! We hope you told EVERYONE YOU KNOW about us. We got tired of being indoors all the time and went for a walk on Nantasket beach. How romantic! It was approximately fifty degrees below zero and the wind was reaching hurricane speeds … but it was nice to get some fresh air. Last summer we went to Nantasket a lot because we’re both sun-hounds and we’re trying to save money. In previous years we’d vacationed in Florida and supplemented at a tanning booth – both expensive propositions.
So we don’t know if you’re familiar with Clear Plan Easy, but here’s the deal: it’s an ovulation predictor kit where you pee on a stick and it tells you if you’re about to ovulate. After it shows positive, you’re supposed to ovulate 12 – 36 hours later. Our doctor recommends these things, so we bought a box and started this month, so we’d have a clue what we’re looking for when April rolls around.
I hate this thing.
To begin with, I’m a fairly modest person, okay? The bathroom door stays closed when certain … activities? … are taking place. I’m not one of those people who can just drop my pants and pee while my partner is in there brushing her teeth. I know I’m probably in the minority about this when it comes to lesbian lifestyles, but it’s just the way I am. Some things are just private. Except when you have to pee on a stick. THEN what you’re doing in there becomes a topic for extended discussion. “Did you PEE yet?!” Mary yells at me from the bedroom. So then my bladder gets all shy and I can’t pee at all. Then there’s the fact that you’ve got to hold this thing in just the right spot and pee on it for a certain number of seconds. THEN, when it’s over and done with, we huddle over the stick trying to compare shades of purple to the ones on the chart. “I think it’s more lavender than purple” or “it seems sort of periwinkle to me” are comments that were actually uttered.
Aaaanyway … if you take a look at the “fun with ovulation” page, you’ll see little minus signs under my temperatures for the past couple of days. This means that we’re assuming that the lavender/periwinkle lines on the little stick mean I’m still negative. When it turns positive, there will be a little plus sign. And I can stop peeing on a stick for a month.
Best to you,
L&M
January 10, 2002
Hi everyone … welcome to our site! And if you’ve been here before, welcome back! Everyone keeps sending us emails with links to message boards where we’re a topic of discussion. It’s a little odd, but truly fascinating. So send us more! And if you don’t know anyone else who’s talking about us, then start the discussion! Email our site to everyone you know, tell your friends, co-workers, neighbors …. keep getting the word out! Then send us a dollar! You guys are the best.
So in the inbox today were an interesting question and a surprise! First the interesting question:
Question: Are you for real, or are you just making some political statement about gay rights?
Answer: That question deserves a lot of thought. To be brutally honest, to begin with, our plan was completely selfish. We wanted to augment our savings in order to make it possible to have a baby. It was all about us and the baby. But these message boards seem to hit the political angle pretty hard, and it seems to split into two general factions. Faction number one thinks that, because we’re not married, then we shouldn’t have any problem introducing a third party into our relationship in order to get pregnant. Then faction number two says, well, if a guy couldn’t get his wife pregnant, they wouldn’t invite his best friend over to get her pregnant just because hubby was shooting blanks.
Frankly, we hadn’t really given it that much though. We’ve always just taken it for granted that our partnership is legitimate, committed, and that we were trying to create a fairly standard family unit: two parents and a child. Maybe even a dog some day. If that’s a political statement about gay rights, then I guess that’s what we’re making.
The other issue we see is this: if people are sending us money to help us conceive, does that mean that our culture is ready for and supportive of gay parents? We can say that not one of the many emails we have receive has questioned our fitness to become parents on any sort of moral level … only financial, which we can understand. So we like to think that, regardless of the current political climate, your donations and kind wishes, and even just the fact that you take us seriously, means that there’s still support out there for us and our family. Now please excuse me a moment while I get all sniffly and dorky.
Okay … onward to the SURPRISE! First, I want to acknowledge that with a site like ours, we completely expected men to generously offer to lend us a “hand” and assist us in our plight with the “personal touch” …. so to speak. We find that sort of thing harmless and kind of funny. But today we got our first truly nasty email. A guy named “JD” said “how do I know you really are lesbians...will you let me watch the two of you getting it on?”
Please.
We realize that the point was to disturb, but all it really did was disgust. So to those of you who are getting all hot and weird reading this, please do us a favor and keep it to yourself. We may be your little fantasy, but we can assure you that you’re not ours.
I’m sorry for the heavy post tonight. Our intention has always been to keep this light and fun. So with that in mind …. grab your spouse, girl or boyfriend, partner, best friend or whomever and do something fun this weekend! See a movie, take a walk, make dinner together, make a baby, or just practice! Spread the love around … and don’ t take all that sperm for granted!
Best to you,
L&M
January 9, 2003
Happy Anniversary to us! Today is our site's one week birthday and we have big news ... our P.O. Box is finally open! So feel free to send those bucks our way to help fund our little bundle of joy! To date we have received a total of $3.00 via PapPal, which we are absolutely NOT sneezing at. If three people cared enough to help us out, there must be others! We have also had a total of 1,721 hits. Now if each of those people had sent us a buck we'd REALLY have something to celebrate!
So I've just taken my prenatal vitamin, which is approximately the size of a kiwi fruit. It also has ... er ... interesting side effects which only add to the fun! The vitamins have 1 mg of folic acid, which for some reason doens't seem like a lot to me. I think I've been brainwashed by those orange juice commercials into thinking that I need several pounds of it a day to have a healthy baby. In fact, I was so brainwashed that it was one of the first things I asked my doctor about. She insists these viatmins are fine. They also have a whole raft of other stuff in them, which is good because my diet sometimes lacks those leafy green vegetables that are so good for you. Someone also told me that I had to give up caffeine, but I am absolutely going to confirm with my doctor before I act on THAT one. And if I do in fact have to give up caffeine, I think it's only fair that Mary give it up as well. I'll run that by her tonight.
In the mailbox today was a message from a charming young man named Keith who sent me the following site: www.vhemt.org. This site is for a voluntary human extinction organization - a group of people who think we should all just stop reproducing. I'm afraid I may have made some rather sarcastic remarks so Keith, if you're reading this, I don't actually know for a fact that your breath is bad.
Whew ... I feel better.
Okay, everyone ... have a fabulous evening, or morning, or afternoon ... whichever is most applicable. Thanks for tuning in. Look for us again tomorrow ... same Bat Time, same Bat Channel!
Best to you,
L&M
January 8, 2003
Holy Guacamole ... ! We had NO idea that we'd have so many responses! Thank you all so much for your questions, suggestions, and donations! One of the things we want to do with this site is add more pages, like an FAQ page, but that costs a bit more than we can afford right this very minute, so we'll try and answer all of your questions by responding to your emails and also by including some of them here. So here goes:
Question: If you can't afford fertility services at a clinic, what makes you think you can afford a baby??!!
Answer: We've receive this question a lot, and it is certainly legitimate. Our attempt at a short, concise answer (and I'm sorry for my long-winded emails to those who actually asked)is that we can't purchase specemins from any fertility banks in Massachusetts because they will only work with LEGALLY MARRIED WOMEN. So despite the fact that we've been together longer than some married couples, we still have to purchase it from another state and have it shipped. Shipping and deposits for nitrogen tanks are prohibitively expensive, so to try and save money, we're going to have an initial six specemins shipped at once, with a cost lay-out of around $2,000. Now I'm assuming that one can buy diapers, baby clothes, etc. on an as-needed basis, and I also have excellent medical insurance which will cover both pregnancy and baby, so we're thinking that after I actually conceive our as-needed costs will be lower than a couple grand at once. I realize that this answer was neither short nor concise, but I'm trying to be as thorough as I can.
Question: Why don't you just do it the "old fashioned" way, or use a known donor & a turkey baster?
Answer: Okay, please don't get offended by this: but we're LESBIANS in a serious, monogomous, committed relationship! We DON'T SLEEP WITH MEN. We DON'T CHEAT ON ONE ANOTHER! I'm sorry for the caps, but you'd be surprised (actually, you probably wouldn't) at how many people just can't understand why I don't just have sex with some guy or use some guy's sperm. Sperm that comes from a sperm bank has been washed, separated, tested, frozen, tested again, frozen, inspected, tested again and drip-dried. It's safe, I'm safe, the baby is safe.
Then there are the legal concerns. Right now, the state of Massachusetts will allow a second-parent adoption so that Mary will be a legal parent, but not all states recognize them. We are also one another's medical proxy, registered domestic partner, legal heir, etc., but we have to carry all of that documentaiton around with us (we have copies in the car, we take copies when we travel) or other states will not recognize our legal relationship. In other words, laws protecting alternative families are still very new and are not universally upheld, so we need to protect the integrity of our family any way we can. Using a known donor would only add another set of legal questions and vague areas ... so from that standpoint our family is safer using an anynymous donor.
I hope this has been helpful and has answered some of your questions.
In related news, we heard from several sources that babies conceived using AI have a higher chance of being boys. Now, this is unconfirmed as I haven't asked my doctor or the clinic yet, but I think it makes sense. I THINK that boy sperms are faster than girl sperms, and make it to the egg faster, so if you inseminate right when you ovulate, you have a higher chance of having a boy. The other side of the coin is that girl sperms live longer than boy ones, so if you inseminate a couple of days BEFORE you ovulate, you have a greater chance of having a girl as the boy sperms would have died by then. When you use frozen sperm, though, they are slightly compromised and will only live for 24 hours, so as soon as you think you're ovulating, you have to inseminate. If you do it before, they'll all die before you ovulate. Like I said, this is an UNCONFIRMED rumor, and I have no idea if it's true.
Nevertheless, we've been trying to think of some good boy names. I like Spencer and Gideon. Mary hates Gideon, and says it's too Biblical. Like Mary isn't. Or Leah, for that matter. She likes Guy. I like it too, but I'd like to keep my options open. I'm a little worried about raising a boy, though. I throw like a girl.
Thanks for stopping by .... !!
Best to you,
L&M
January 2, 2003
Hey ... thanks for visiting our site! By way of introduction, we are two lesbians who have been together for three years, and we are planning to have a baby. We first started talking about it around a year ago, and we've been researching and planning since then. We were all ready to get started this past September, but I switched jobs and we decicded to wait until my six-month probation period is over to begin. That will be this April, 2003. So we have a few months to complete our preparations: choosing the donor and buying and having the sperm shipped from the California Cryobank.
We have been working with the Fenway Community Health Center of Boston towards our goal and with their help have already completed many of the preliminaries: orientation, counseling & medical clearance. Imagine if everyone had to go through that to get pregnant!
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In the mean time, we're
charting ovulationand mentally preparing for what could be a trying process .... but a wonderful result!
So stop by often for weekly (or more frequent) updates on our progress and preparations.
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And if you support our efforts to become parents,
Sens us a Buckor send us an email! Or why not both!
Best to you ...
Leah & Mary
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